Spooky

Ok, this is getting weird. I suppose I'm an agnostic, with tendencies toward doubt, but something is happening with Harldur that's beginning to make me wonder if I understand much at all. This started with him on my lap a month or two back. He would fall asleep, and I'd be tired too and wanna take a nap. After securing him on my lap with pillows and bracing my arms under him and all I'd finally start to close my eyes, but the moment I nodded off, he'd rustle and wake me back up. This happened about 5 times, and I eventually gave up on sleeping. I couldn't figure out what was happening, because I sorta tested slackening my muscles, and was still conscious enough that I didn't notice any obvious drooping of an arm or anything.

I paid it no mind, but it happened again the following week. Same thing, in a slightly different position. He just would not let me slip into unconsciousness. Now I was beginning to wonder. What was he noticing? And why would he care if my muscles slackened a little anyway? This is a kid who can sleep through a raucuous family dinner at a restaurant, and napped for about half of game one of the Giants vs Braves playoffs at the ballpark. But somehow, some tiny something was setting him off in my sleepiness.

And then Dad came down to take care of him, he fell asleep sprawled across his chest, totally different position, head not supported by Dad's arms or anything, and apparently did the same thing to him! He said everytime he nodded off, Harldur fussed. 

Now this is where I can't tell if I'm indulging in groggy inventions, but it's happened two times this week...when he wasn't on my lap! I put him down in the front room, and just as I was nodding off on the couch, he started crying...and today, I put him in the co-sleeper in our bedroom and lied down on the bed, and sure enough, he cried the moment I was near sleep. Of course, part of the confusion is that I don't know if I really have "just" fallen asleep. Maybe I slept for a little while, but usually the time doesn't show it as being long, if at all.

And funny thing is, he doesn't do it at night. Is it because we're both home? Is it because he's more deeply asleep at night? Is there some kind of primitive instinct surfacing that daddy needs to remain alert to guard the cave?

He also doesn't do it with Cati, but maybe that's because she puts him to sleep during naps with a nice meal, and the deliverer of his meal still resting against his face? I have no such enveloping reminder of security, I guess.

All I know is that it's got me a little unnerved, but also basking in a bit of wonder. Is there some level of perception babies know about that we forget at some point? A way to register attention of a conscious mind, when that big eye is present and listening/smelling/looking for danger? It reminds me of the Golden Compass books, where the mysterious "dust" turned out to be sort of a form of Attention.

Or is it just a dad in the heightened state of "everything my boy does is amazing" mixed with sleepiness?