Ok y'all, I have some news for you...Cati's pregnant! Damn, look at that belly.
And as we've discovered in the last couple days, if you look at that belly long enough, a big rolling wave will cross it. Or a brief poke. Or a little jiggle. For the first time last night I saw that little bugger moving around under the skin. Cati said, "Isn't that cool?" And to be honest, I kinda paused..."Um, yes..." But I was also a little unnerved for the first time. Feeling it kick was cool and electric, hearing the hearbeat was amazing, seeing the ultrasound was sweet. But seeing her belly move around? That was cool, but also...freaky. I think each stage of baby contact brings you a little closer to a creature emerging this you but also not you. At first it's a touching little picture from which you can imagine who this person will be. But at this point, that belly is moving around on its own, there's no contained "in there" happening anymore. S/He is reaching outside of the container, moving the air around out here.
And, of course, there's always the extra power of the visual. Feeling, hearing, all cool. But seeing something has a different zing to it, as most filmmakers know. You can write the best well-researched 700-page-book ever on tree eradication in the Amazon without making a ripple, but one shot of a tree falling and animals running and people get mad. Also, you can easily rationalize or convince yourself of something until you see the opposite with your own eyes. That's why that expression, I guess, "See it with my own two eyes." Despite the fact that our eyes lie to us all the time, especially in league with our memories. They like to play tricks together, apparently. So I can sit and imagine that baby all I want, but the moment I saw it kicking around under her skin, the truth of his/her otherness was concrete.
Which, of course, is wonderful. But also a little terrifying. That's a new life in there, wriggling around, trying out limbs that weren't even there a month or two ago!
I know, because I've seen him/her with my own two eyes.
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