Belly and Baby

Here's this week's installment of the ongoing saga of Cati's growing belly:

And here's who's in there:

We got to see he/her today in the ultrasound moving around and kicking and showing off all his/her parts...Though the technician didn't tell us anything, that waits for the doctor next week, we DID learn that our baby is willful, stubborn and independent. Anyone who knows Cati and I will be absolutely shocked to hear that. We don't know what's happened, it must be some kind of recessive gene. The ultrasound tech kept on trying to get the baby to turn over so she could get a better view of his/her spine, but s/he refused. Cati tried peeing to relieve pressure, even did some yoga poses, and still no turn. The technician prodded her through Cati's belly (which made me a little antsy), and like a good Johnson/Brown s/he just stuck out his/her little fist and refused to budge. Eventually, we managed to get him/her to roll over, but it was clearly begrudging. I have definitely seen Cati roll over like that before, and trust me, it's no victory.

We'll find out more about what it all means next week, but it sure was nice to see the little bugger.

First Daddy Kick

Well, Cati was right, it did take till the weekend before I felt a kick. She was wrong, however, that I wouldn't need my brain when it happened. We were actually driving my niece and nephew back from a grand day at the Exploratorium when she went "oop!" And said I should feel, cause there was a pretty good kick. I put my hand on her belly and right quick felt what seemed more like someone doing a tiny somersault than a kick, and knew I had to pull over. Ivy was chirping from the back seat that she wanted to feel too, but after one more good roll/nudge, the little cantelope (apparently that's her/his size now) was done giving us a show.

It's pretty incredible that first little touch through mama's belly. I mean, I've seen pictures, heard the heartbeat, but that was all one-sided observation. This is the first time we've felt each other, hand against elbow or knee or forehead or whatever, my palm mere centimeters away from this miraculous living creature Cati is keeping warm for us. Did s/he feel my hand? Was there a little more warmth/firmness than s/he expected? Was there something else that passed between us that was less physical than all that? It was nice to have that moment while spending the weekend with my beloved niece and nephew, as I could look in the backseat and think once upon a time these two great kids were saying hello in the same way, and now they're real, radiant personalities walking around and coming up with their own plans and histories.

Cati's favorite part of the whole incident, I'll bet, was how I'm less persistent now about pushing my hand on her belly and making her go to the bathroom all the time. I definitely want to feel more kicks, but I'm still savoring this first hello.

First Official Super Duper KICK

I felt the first official super duper kick yesterday. S/he was moving around while I was reading in bed last night. I've been having a little heart burn, which really is more of a throat burn, so I've been sitting up before I go to bed for a bit. I put my hand down on my belly to say hi, and coo at the munchkin, and s/he gave my fingers a wallop! I started yelling for Arne, but even though he came running in, we couldn't get the munchkin to say hi to her Dadums. She must like my new PJs, which I was wearing (see the pic).

Now, s/he just has to wait until the weekend, when Arne doesn't need his brain as much, to break Arne's brain with a super duper kick. We both think he'll be a bit of a puddle after feeling munchkin feet.

Little flutters

I've been obsessed with the little flutter kicks recently. They seem pretty insistent, and I like that. A little insistence will do any child of ours good.

It's been a long day at work. Productive, but long, and I have a nice walk home in the evening glow.

Maybe I'll call you, and we can yell at each other nicely over the roaring evening traffic that I dive through for the first part of the trek.

Oh, one thing of great fun! We got our valentine's PJs in the mail yesterday (thanks, Mom!)... I've gotten a new pair of PJs for Valentine's day for as long as I've been out of the house, and I LOVE it. Now Arne gets in on the goodness, too. This year, my PJs were light blue with in-love flamingos on them, but they still had hearts. And they are ENORMOUS. I'll post a picture shortly. I know they are going to be great as I get to be great big. I'm definitely thankful to mom for thinking ahead. I think I get some of that trait from her.

And now, home, baby James!

February 16 Belly

Our iphone app tells us that our little critter is now a large mango and I think if you squint your eyes up, Cati's belly looks a little like that delicious fruit. She's been feeling strong and definitive kicks for the last couple days, and even thought yesterday as she was groggily waking up that she might have felt a kick with her hand. I, being an expert in all things that I've never heard of, said that I was sure it was too early. But the accursed internet undermined me yet again, and it turns out 19 weeks is early but still possible to feel a kick on the outside. Once I figured out a way to make it seem like I'd been saying that all along, I immediately glued my hand to her abdomen...eventually she had to bat me away, complaining I was making her have to pee. But I keep checking. The thought of touching hands or feet or elbows with our little baby is enough to make me a little crazy. Cati's being very understanding.

Which brings me to another point... Cati is amazing. I mean, I guess all mothers are amazing, but in my unbiased opinion Cati kicks the ass of all other mothers. If I get sick for a couple days I start getting depressed and snappish, meanwhile Cati's entire body is changing, sometimes painfully, every day. I am constantly astounded at her good spirits and fearlessness about the coming challenge of birth.

I know there are a lot of good reasons to wait until later to have a child, and certainly in my case I'll be a MUCH better father now than I would have been in my twenties. But one advantage you miss out on by waiting is that there is an awe and admiration for women and mothers that just suffuses your being the more you learn about and watch pregnancy and birth. I don't think it ever soaked into me until just this last couple of weeks that my own mom carried me around, nauseous, back pain, had her whole body change, struggled through a difficult birth (I was backwards) and here I am, the same kind of miracle we are witnessing now. I think the moment I really felt it was seeing a picture of how the mother's stomach actually lifts up to behind her ribs to make room for the baby. That's just the beginning of how much room our mothers make for us as we thrash around, kicking, crying, laughing, needing, grabbing...

And it's not just mothers. We boys take up a lot of room.

I think that's the knowledge I wish I'd had when I was younger: Boys are pretty damned lucky women have agreed to continue producing us. Very generous if you ask me.

More belly February 8, 2010

S/he doesn't look that big from my vantage point.

I think s/he's started to kick. I've been feeling little pu-pows very low in the belly, which is where the baby oughta be. They don't seem related to belching or tummy grumbling, so I'm beginning to believe that they are little feet instead of big gas. A little funny that you can't tell the difference at first! 

One thing that it does seem like some people can tell the difference about... I went to see my acupuncturist, Jill, today. She says she can tell by my pulse what sex the munchkin is - boy or girl. But since we're not finding out ahead of time, Jill will have to know and not tell us. :) 

Juicy Hips

Today we went to Prenatal Partner Yoga...and yes, for those of you who are wondering, it was partially during the Super Bowl. I would like to say that I signed us up for the class as a way to show Cati I love her so much more than football, but actually I had no idea the Super Bowl would be in February. Once I realized my "mistake", I knew I couldn't go back. How do you explain to your wife that you are choosing the Super Bowl over Prenatal Partner Yoga? You don't, and you can't. You might as well tell her you're putting the child up for adoption. It's funny how things have gotten, how there's a whole new matrix of ways to show you're being supportive. 20 years ago, how many women judged the supportfulness of their husbands based on whether they'd go to Prenatal Partner Yoga with them?

Having said all that, it was really a nice class. The first thing they did was have us sit back to back and breathe and all that good stuff. Then we turned to face each other, and I was supposed to just put my hands on her head and look at her while her eyes remained closed. Having a chance to just look at Cati like that, think about the life growing in her, and how lucky I was, brought a lump to my throat. And almost the moment I felt choked up, a tear snuck its way from Cati's closed eye and rivered down her cheek. I can't say I know exactly what happened right then, Cati's fairly prone to crying these days anyway, but it put me a bit in awe of the mystery that connects us to the ones we love.

Hungry

Today, Cati came home literally shaking with hunger...she barged past my kiss in the hall trying to say "Must eat butter...no wait, crackers. With butter. Or cheese...Where's the cheese and butter? Arne! Why are you hiding it from me?" She kept dropping crackers and bits of cheese and cursing. It was literally like watching a heroin addict fumble for a fix. Appropriately, as the Dubliner and crackers began to find her stomach, her face slackened and she began smiling beatifically.

We've also had some solid evidence of her brain shrinking (apparently this happens). Ever since we've lived together, she's bragged about her power to know where everything in the house is, despite the fact that when cleaning, she'll cram whatever's in her hand into the nearest nook, regardless of congruity. Cheese, that goes on the bookshelf. Thumbtacks? Silverware drawer. One of her favorite places to squirrel things away is the nice box we have on our coffee table for the remote controls. Here is an actual list of recent residents of the remote control box:

DHL Receipt

A few nails

Plug for Wii

Earphones

Post-it Notes Pad

Old computer memory

One of those silica gel packs from shoe boxes

Firewire cable

Guitar pick

A few quarters

A Euro

Some remotes

Well, she recently got one of those big gym balls to roll around on and loosen up her hips and whatever other good things she needs to do to make way for the baby. It came with a little pump, and last night she wanted to pump it up, but couldn't find the pump. She looked all over the whole house. Shook her head. "What's happening to me? I used to know where everything is!!" Can you guess where the pump was? Between the nails and the old computer memory.

It's actually extremely cute. The other day she called me to ask me to pick her up at work. I told her that I'd love to, except that she actually had the car. Not only that, but she'd just gotten out of it about an hour before she called me.

Contributing to this confusion is the fact that she's been working extremely hard lately, with a big report due. Thus, I suppose it's bad form to tease her for her shrinking brain, but I have to savor the moment, as generally speaking her brain is much bigger than mine. I, however, still have her belly beat by a country mile.

Galloping

So today we met with our Midwife, Maria, who's really wonderful. I realize that the fact that we're doing a homebirth may be news to some of you, but I'll let Cati post later about why she decided to go that route. Anyway, we had a nice long intake conversation with her on various topics, and then went to do various testing. As I've mentioned before to some of you, we've heard what we thought was the heart a couple times now, but as it turns out what we were hearing was the heartBEAT, but not the actual heart. Today, we heard the usual woosh woosh, but then she said she was going to let us hear the heart too. I had no idea what she meant, but she said it would sound different, and we'd know. She searched around for awhile on Cati's belly, and we heard lots of different volumes of woosh woosh, and then suddenly there it was, and we both knew it right away. It's a little gallop, calip calop calip calop...Wow. That really knocked me over. The woosh is amazing enough, but that gallop is the real deal, it sounds little and cute and human and surging to be alive. It's hard to even explain what part of you it touches, it's just a place that makes you feel like you're going to break apart and then reassemble in beams of light that jump in all directions. Not like a normal emotion I've ever felt. Cati's response is usually to giggle, and I can't say I blame her. It makes the doppler go crazy, breaking into loud static from the force of her insensible joy.

Belly on February 2nd

Oh my, how she has grown! That ain't just potato chips! Though the iPhone app tells me root vegetables are still involved, as the little bugger is now the size of a turnip. I have a nice picture in my head of a little turnipy cowlick. Apparently he/she can now hear pretty well, so we've taken to singing to him/her more often. This serves two purposes: One, so she/he can be lulled by Cati's lovely voice, and two, so he/she doesn't have a heartattack the first time she hears me sing.

Belly on January 2nd

Here she is, at our inaugural picture. This is probably mostly potato chips.